Is it Emotional Abuse?

When we think of abuse we forget that a person can abuse another person emotionally by saying things that make that individual feel belittled or defeated. Emotional abuse follows the same pattern and displays the same traits as physical abuse in that it comes in cycles. For instance when a person is physically abusive they blame the person that they are physically abusing as the reason they are being abusive towards them, but as soon as the violent episode is over they are apologetic, say they are sorry it was their fault, they don’t know why they over reacted like this, become real loving and giving and then without warning they do the same thing over again and again, leaving the abused person feeling lost and completely turned inside out not knowing what to do or where to turn. Well it is the same with emotional abuse for example if a woman tells a man that he is not a real man and that he will never accomplish anything or a man tells a woman that she is worthless or stupid these are words that cut into the emotional stability of a person because they stay with that individual long after they have been spoken. Let’s take the man for instance whose wife/girlfriend says he is not a real man, they argue she says these things says she wants a divorce or too break up with him because of this and then after she calms down she goes back to him and says she was sorry and she did not mean to say that and she was just going through something and to please forgive her which the man does. Consider that this man tells the woman how her words had hurt him and made him feel emotionally vulnerable and asks her to promise not to ever hurt him like that again, to which she agrees and the two go on with their day. Then say a month later she does the same thing and attacks him with the same words but adds that she does not know why she stays with him because he will never be able to provide for her because he does not know how because he is not a real man that can and knows how. Do you see the pattern here this is a person being torn down emotionally with words that they have already indicated makes them feel helpless, demeaned and has lowered their self worth and esteem but yet the person tearing them down blames them for these actions just like before and then turns around and apologizes and just like before says they will never say these things again only to repeat the cycle with even more vicious verbal attacks and insults the next time. The thing about emotional abuse is not easily recognized because you cannot see the scars but they are there and it takes a lot longer for them to heal because there is no medicine or bandages to put on them to help the healing process go faster. We must remember that in the middle of what we are going through we must be careful of what we say to people that we love because words hurt and do the same damage as hands balled up in a fist!
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18.21
Pastor LaVaughn R. Carter
Patient Perseverance Ministries ©2011